What is the price of this lovely vehicle?
A lady walks into a Lexus dealership. She browses around, then spots the perfect car and walks over to inspect it. As she bends to feel the fine leather upholstery, a loud fart escapes her.
Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed her little accident and hopes a sales person doesn`t pop up right now.
As she turns back, there standing next to her, is a salesman.
"Good day, Madame. How may we help you today?"
Very uncomfortably she asks, "Sir, what is the price of this lovely vehicle?"
He answers, "Madame, if you farted just by touching it, you will definitely CRAP your pants when you hear the price."
Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed her little accident and hopes a sales person doesn`t pop up right now.
As she turns back, there standing next to her, is a salesman.
"Good day, Madame. How may we help you today?"
Very uncomfortably she asks, "Sir, what is the price of this lovely vehicle?"
He answers, "Madame, if you farted just by touching it, you will definitely CRAP your pants when you hear the price."
German Englishman and Nigerian
There were these three guys at the lake, a German, an Englishman and a Nigerian.
The German took out his dick, put it in the water, waited a while and told the others: "I can feel the water it's a 32 degrees Celsius".
The other two were amazed. "Let me try", the Englishman said. So he put his organ in the water, waited and said: "To be more exact, the temperature is 32.3 degrees Celsius".
At last the black man said, "Let me have a try". So he took his equipment, lowered it into the lake and said: "I've no idea about the temperature, but the water is 2 feet 9 inches deep"
3 characters of a male organ
3 characters of a male organ
a. courteous-it stands before it performing.
b. emotional-it cries during performance.
c. polite- it bows down after performance
My first time with condom
I recall my first time with a condom, I was 16 or so. I went in to buy a package of condoms. There was a beautiful woman behind the counter, and she could see that I was new at it. She handed me the package and asked, if I knew how to wear one.
I honestly answered, "No."
So she unwrapped the package, took one out and slipped over her thumb, She cautioned me to make sure it was on tight and secure. I apparently still looked confused. So she looked all around the store. It was empty.
"Just a minute," she said, and walked to the door, and locked it.
Taking my hand, she led me into the back room, unbuttoned her blouse removed it. She unhooked her bra and laid it aside. "Do these excite you?" she asked.
Well, I was so dumb-struck that all I could do was nod my head. She then said, it was time to slip the condom on. As I was slipping it on, she dropped her skirt, removed her panties and laid down on a desk.
"Well, come on", she said, "We don't have much time."
So I climbed on her. It was so wonderful, that unfortunately, I could no longer hold back and POW, I was done within a few minutes. She looked at me with a frown. "Did you put that condom on?"
I said, "I sure did," and held up my thumb to show her.
I honestly answered, "No."
So she unwrapped the package, took one out and slipped over her thumb, She cautioned me to make sure it was on tight and secure. I apparently still looked confused. So she looked all around the store. It was empty.
"Just a minute," she said, and walked to the door, and locked it.
Taking my hand, she led me into the back room, unbuttoned her blouse removed it. She unhooked her bra and laid it aside. "Do these excite you?" she asked.
Well, I was so dumb-struck that all I could do was nod my head. She then said, it was time to slip the condom on. As I was slipping it on, she dropped her skirt, removed her panties and laid down on a desk.
"Well, come on", she said, "We don't have much time."
So I climbed on her. It was so wonderful, that unfortunately, I could no longer hold back and POW, I was done within a few minutes. She looked at me with a frown. "Did you put that condom on?"
I said, "I sure did," and held up my thumb to show her.
Geographic Location & Wine...... a classic comparison
A man goes to the Lucas Carlton in Paris with his girlfriend and orders the 1928 Mouton. The waiter returns with a bottle full of wine, pours a small amount in the glass for tasting.
The customer picks up the glass, smells the wine, and puts it down on the table with a thud. "This is not the 1928 Mouton."
The waiter assures him it is, and soon there is another twenty people surrounding the table including the chef and the manager of the hotel trying to convince the man that the wine is the 1928 Mouton. Finally someone asks him how he knows that it is not the 1928 Mouton.
"My name is Phillipe de Rothschid, and I make the wine."
Finally the original waiter steps forward and admits that he poured the Clerc Milon 1928. "I could not bear to part with our last bottle of 1928 Mouton. You know Clerc Milon, it is in the same village as Mouton, you pick the grapes at the same time, the same cepage, you crush in the same way, you put them into similar barrels. You bottle at the same time, you even use eggs from the same chickens to fine them. The wines are the same, except for a small matter of geographic location."
Rothschid beckons the waiter forward, and whispers to him, "When you return home tonight, ask your girlfriend to remove her underwear. Put one finger in one opening, another in the other, and smell both the
fingers. You will understand what difference a small distance of geographic location makes."
The customer picks up the glass, smells the wine, and puts it down on the table with a thud. "This is not the 1928 Mouton."
The waiter assures him it is, and soon there is another twenty people surrounding the table including the chef and the manager of the hotel trying to convince the man that the wine is the 1928 Mouton. Finally someone asks him how he knows that it is not the 1928 Mouton.
"My name is Phillipe de Rothschid, and I make the wine."
Finally the original waiter steps forward and admits that he poured the Clerc Milon 1928. "I could not bear to part with our last bottle of 1928 Mouton. You know Clerc Milon, it is in the same village as Mouton, you pick the grapes at the same time, the same cepage, you crush in the same way, you put them into similar barrels. You bottle at the same time, you even use eggs from the same chickens to fine them. The wines are the same, except for a small matter of geographic location."
Rothschid beckons the waiter forward, and whispers to him, "When you return home tonight, ask your girlfriend to remove her underwear. Put one finger in one opening, another in the other, and smell both the
fingers. You will understand what difference a small distance of geographic location makes."
Smart santa
Santa Singh's wife was expecting and the baby was due any day. Santa was
very confident it would be a boy and was looking forward to the Delivery
day. As fate would have it, he was transferred to another city and had to
join office immediately. Before going, he asked his father -in-law to send
a telegram confirming birth of his son. But in order to avoid giving party
to his office colleagues, he asks his father -in-law to write "the watch
has arrived" and he will understand that the son is born.
The D-day arrived. His wife delivered a cute little baby girl. Now Santa's
Father-in-law didn't know what to do. If he writes "the watch has arrived"
Santa will think he has got a Son. If he writes "watch has not arrived"
Santa will get worried thinking something serious has happened. But being a
very intelligent person, he finds a solution and sends the telegram.
Santa received the telegram, opened it eagerly and reads
"The watch has arrived, but the pendulum is missing".
Deadly non veg PJs
Q : What's the difference between cricketers and
condoms?
A: Cricketers drop the catches and condoms catches
the drops
Q: What is the difference between riding a bicycle and a woman?
A: Riding a bicycle you fix your ass & move your legs, riding a woman you fix your legs & move your ass.
Q: What three things are common between the sun and
woman's underwear?
A: Both are hot, both look better while going down and both disappear at night.
Q: Why do men ask for a woman's hand in marriage?
A: Because they are tired of using their own.
Q: What's common between men and video?
A: Both go backward... forward... backward...forward... backward.... forward... stop and eject.
Q: What is the closest thing similar to a woman's period?
A: Your salary, it comes once a month lasts about 5-7 days and if it doesn't come means you are in big trouble
Q: What goes in dry, comes out wet, and gives warm satisfaction?
A: A teabag.
7 qualities to be a perfect wife:
Beautiful,
Responsible
Energetic
Adorable
Sweet
Truthful
andSelf-Organized.
In short, she must have good B.R.E.A.S.T.S
Q: Who is a gynecologist ?
A: He is the only fool on the earth who looks for problems in a place, where most people find pleasure
Q: What is the similarity between men and rats?
A: Both keep searching for new HOLES.
Q: What's the difference between biology and sociology?
A: When the baby looks like his dad, then it is biology. When
the baby looks like the neighbour, then it is sociology.
Q:What's the height of recycling?
A: Sending a sanitary napkin for dry cleaning
Doctor: You look so weak & exhausted. Are you having 3 meals a day as I have advised?
Lady: Doctor, I thought you had said 3 males a day.
Girlfriend & boy friend go for a movie. In the dark, a
mosquito enters the girl's skirt. Guess where it would
have bitten?
The boy's hand......
Tarzan and the animals went to the river to take a bath. Tarzan removed his clothes. All the animals laughed. Tarzan asked "Why"?
The animals told him..........."Your tail is in the front
Last but not least
Secret of long life...Morning two eggs, evening two pegs......and night two legs.. --
Three Ladies In A Sauna
THREE WOMEN, TWO YOUNGER, AND ONE SENIOR CITIZEN, WERE SITTING NAKED IN A SAUNA.
SUDDENLY THERE WAS A BEEPING SOUND. THE YOUNG WOMAN PRESSED HER FOREARM AND THE BEEP STOPPED. THE OTHERS LOOKED AT HER QUESTIONINGLY. 'THAT WAS MY PAGER,' SHE SAID. I HAVE A MICROCHIP UNDER THE SKIN OF MY ARM.
A FEW MINUTES LATER, A PHONE RANG. THE SECOND YOUNG WOMAN LIFTED HER PALM TO HER EAR. WHEN SHE FINISHED, SHE EXPLAINED, 'THAT WAS MY MOBILE PHONE. I HAVE A MICROCHIP IN MY HAND.'
THE OLDER WOMAN FELT VERY LOW -TECH. NOT TO BE OUT DONE, SHE DECIDED SHE HAD TO DO SOMETHING JUST AS IMPRESSIVE. SHE STEPPED OUT OF THE SAUNA AND WENT TO THE BATHROOM. SHE RETURNED WITH A PIECE OF TOILET PAPER HANGING FROM HER REAR END.
THE OTHERS RAISED THEIR EYEBROWS AND STARED AT HER.
THE OLDER WOMAN FINALLY SAID....WELL, WILL YOU LOOK AT THAT.....I'M GETTING A FAX!!
Free hold land for sale!
A hot young girl is very anxious to offer a small lovely "TRIANGULAR" plot of land for sale centrally situated on the slopes at the level area in "THIALAND" but unobserved by any one till this day.
For the last 20 years plot was tenderly cared and looked after. This plot is "VIRGIN" and extremely fertile and can bear fruits even on the first planting. For the last 4 years the plot is covered with very fine grass which is very better and tender. No chemical are yet used for removing the grass which has covered the whole area deticably.
There is also a small "BOREWELL" hidden in the shrubs and no test is so far carried, but to as certain to the portability of water. Offers are immediately invited from prospective buyers with full and energetic capital who can put immediately.
The buyers should be strong enough to labor hard on the plot and plough in very hard with his "OWN TOOL". Although initially, it will be very hard and difficulty, but once the capital is put in he will not repute and will be delighted to have ventures in into site.
It is guaranteed that there will be fully full co-operation from the owner if the buyer is ready to put straight his capital immediately.
No partnership please. No subletting, neighbors are awaiting for the an opportunity to trespass the plot. So hurry up to be the first to enter into the site!
For the last 20 years plot was tenderly cared and looked after. This plot is "VIRGIN" and extremely fertile and can bear fruits even on the first planting. For the last 4 years the plot is covered with very fine grass which is very better and tender. No chemical are yet used for removing the grass which has covered the whole area deticably.
There is also a small "BOREWELL" hidden in the shrubs and no test is so far carried, but to as certain to the portability of water. Offers are immediately invited from prospective buyers with full and energetic capital who can put immediately.
The buyers should be strong enough to labor hard on the plot and plough in very hard with his "OWN TOOL". Although initially, it will be very hard and difficulty, but once the capital is put in he will not repute and will be delighted to have ventures in into site.
It is guaranteed that there will be fully full co-operation from the owner if the buyer is ready to put straight his capital immediately.
No partnership please. No subletting, neighbors are awaiting for the an opportunity to trespass the plot. So hurry up to be the first to enter into the site!
school inspection
EK baar class main inspection hoti hain.. Headmaster sahib aate hain.......
Sawaal karna shuru!
Headmaster: "Bachoo Hamari body ka sabse naram part konsa hain"? Jab koi jawab nahin deta to master Tinku ki taraf ishara karte hue
Headmaster: "Tinku tum is ka jawab do"!!
Tinku: "Master ji hamari body ka sabse naram part hain GAAND, kyon ki, agar hame thand (cold) lag gaye hum kehte hain 'GAAND Phat gayi', Garmi lag jaya hum kehte hain 'GAAND phat gayi', thoda chalna pad jaye'GAAND phat gayi', Rona aa jaye 'GAAND phat gayi', Homework karana ho'GAAND phat gayi'
Headmaster ko gussa to aata hain lekin tinku ka jawaab bhi sahi hain to who kuch nahin kehta.. phir sawaal karta hain
Headmaster: "acha aab ye batao ke, Ladki ki jab shaadi ho jaati hain to who Doli ke time roti kyon hain"
Phir koi jawaab nahin deta......master phir Tinku ko jawaab dene ko kehta hain.
Tinku: " Master ji aap itne bade master, gyani or Samajhdar AGAR AAPKI KOI 400KM GHAR SE DOOOOOR LE JAA KAR GAAND MAREGA TO AAPKO RONA NAHIN AAYEGA?
Master ji ko phir bhut gussa aata hain lekin tinku ka jawaab bhi thik hain...isleye woh use kuch nahin kehta. Master phir sawaal karata hain
Headmaster: " Acha bachoo agar main aapko tisri aankh lagane ki shakti doon to tum kahan lagwaoge" Koi bacha kehta hain sir pe, koi kehta hain mooh main, koi kehta hain pet main. koi kehta hain kaan pe.....
Master ko koi bhi answer acha nahin lagta hain to woh Tinku ko phir khada karta hain.
Tinku: " Master ji main tisri aankh haat ki badi wali ungli main lagawaoonga"
Headmaster: " Kyon Tinku"
Tinku: " Main usko aapki GAAND main dalke ye dekhoonga ke aisa kaun sa kida aapki GAAND main Bhatak raha hain jo Salla har Sawaal mujhe hi se pooch raha hai.
panty's color
A gentleman who always kept his black shoes shiny said to a woman on a date,
"I bet I can guess what color your underwear is."
The woman replied, "You think so, huh? What color am I wearing?"
The man answered, "You're wearing red."
"Wow!" The lady responded in delight. "How did you know that?" she asked.
He replied, "Because I'm a genius."
On a second date with another woman, he said, "Hey, I bet I can guess what color your underwear is!"
The lady responded, "You're crazy! Okay, what color is my underwear?"
The man replied with a smirk, "They are blue, of course."
The shocked lady asked, "There's no possible way you could know that!"
"I'm a genius, I'm telling you," he said.
On a third date with another woman, the man asked with fear, "Please tell me you're not wearing any underwear!"
She replied, "Well, I'm not. You worried?"
"Whooo! I'm relieved!" he mentioned with a big gasp of air. "I thought I had a crack in my shoes!"
"I bet I can guess what color your underwear is."
The woman replied, "You think so, huh? What color am I wearing?"
The man answered, "You're wearing red."
"Wow!" The lady responded in delight. "How did you know that?" she asked.
He replied, "Because I'm a genius."
On a second date with another woman, he said, "Hey, I bet I can guess what color your underwear is!"
The lady responded, "You're crazy! Okay, what color is my underwear?"
The man replied with a smirk, "They are blue, of course."
The shocked lady asked, "There's no possible way you could know that!"
"I'm a genius, I'm telling you," he said.
On a third date with another woman, the man asked with fear, "Please tell me you're not wearing any underwear!"
She replied, "Well, I'm not. You worried?"
"Whooo! I'm relieved!" he mentioned with a big gasp of air. "I thought I had a crack in my shoes!"
Some Very Smart and True Statements
* Behind every successful man, there is a great woman and behind every great woman, there is a smart guy staring at her butt.
* If you don't believe in oral sex, keep your mouth shut.
* Opinion is like an ass hole, everyone has one.
* A mistress lies between a mister and a mattress.
* Chess players mate better.
* Excuses are like asses: everyone has em and they all stink.
* Squirrel who runs up woman's leg do not find nuts.
* If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put you between F and CK.
* Sex is the price women have to pay for marriage. Marriage is the price men have to pay for sex.
* Impotence: Nature's way of saying "No hard feelings".
* If you think sex is a pain in the ass, you're doing it wrong.
* There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men - don't and stop, unless they are used together.
* The difference between a husband and a lover is the difference between day and night.
* I love you in blue. I love you in red but most of all. I love you in bed.
* Prostitution is a hole sale business.
* A tight dress is like a barbed fence. It protects the premises without restricting the view.
* What matters is not the length of the wand, but the magic in the stick.
* Sex is like snow, you never know how many inches you are going to get or how long it is going to last.
* Good sex can correct poor posture, or at least make it stand up straight.
* I'm not attracted by a girl's mind ... But by what she doesn't mind.
* Guns don't kill people... Husbands who come home early kill people.
* Getting married is like getting into a bath tub. After you get used to it, it ain't so hot.
* Marriage is the only war where you get to sleep with the enemy!
* If you don't believe in oral sex, keep your mouth shut.
* Opinion is like an ass hole, everyone has one.
* A mistress lies between a mister and a mattress.
* Chess players mate better.
* Excuses are like asses: everyone has em and they all stink.
* Squirrel who runs up woman's leg do not find nuts.
* If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put you between F and CK.
* Sex is the price women have to pay for marriage. Marriage is the price men have to pay for sex.
* Impotence: Nature's way of saying "No hard feelings".
* If you think sex is a pain in the ass, you're doing it wrong.
* There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men - don't and stop, unless they are used together.
* The difference between a husband and a lover is the difference between day and night.
* I love you in blue. I love you in red but most of all. I love you in bed.
* Prostitution is a hole sale business.
* A tight dress is like a barbed fence. It protects the premises without restricting the view.
* What matters is not the length of the wand, but the magic in the stick.
* Sex is like snow, you never know how many inches you are going to get or how long it is going to last.
* Good sex can correct poor posture, or at least make it stand up straight.
* I'm not attracted by a girl's mind ... But by what she doesn't mind.
* Guns don't kill people... Husbands who come home early kill people.
* Getting married is like getting into a bath tub. After you get used to it, it ain't so hot.
* Marriage is the only war where you get to sleep with the enemy!
opposite of laughter
Q: What is the opposite of laughter?
A: Sex How is that?
.
.
.
.
Bcoz laughter is ha ha ha and Sex is ah ah ah..!
A: Sex How is that?
.
.
.
.
Bcoz laughter is ha ha ha and Sex is ah ah ah..!
The Smart Computer's Diagnosis
One day Bill complained to his friend that his elbow really hurt. His friend suggested that he go to a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor.
''Simply put in a sample of your urine and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about it. It only costs $10."
Bill figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and went to the drug store.
Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer started making some noise and various lights started flashing. After a brief pause out popped a small slip of paper on which was printed:
"You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water. Avoid heavy lifting. It will be better in two weeks."
Later that evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this machine could be fooled.
He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog and urine samples from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he masturbated into the concoction. He went back to the drug store, located the machine, poured in the sample and deposited the $10.
The computer again made the usual noise and printed out the following message:
"Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. Your dog has worms. Get him vitamins. Your daughter is using cocaine. Put her in a rehabilitation clinic. Your wife is pregnant with twin girls. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer. And if you don't stop jerking off, your tennis elbow will never get better."
''Simply put in a sample of your urine and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about it. It only costs $10."
Bill figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and went to the drug store.
Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer started making some noise and various lights started flashing. After a brief pause out popped a small slip of paper on which was printed:
"You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water. Avoid heavy lifting. It will be better in two weeks."
Later that evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this machine could be fooled.
He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog and urine samples from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he masturbated into the concoction. He went back to the drug store, located the machine, poured in the sample and deposited the $10.
The computer again made the usual noise and printed out the following message:
"Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. Your dog has worms. Get him vitamins. Your daughter is using cocaine. Put her in a rehabilitation clinic. Your wife is pregnant with twin girls. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer. And if you don't stop jerking off, your tennis elbow will never get better."
Camel brand Smoker
Jane and Arlene are outside their nursing home, having a drink and a smoke, when it starts to rain.
Jane pulls out a condom, cuts off the end, puts it over her cigarette, and continues smoking.
Arlene: What in the hell is that?
Jane: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet.
Arlene: Where did you get it?
Jane: You can get them at any pharmacy.
The next day, Arlene hobbles herself into the local pharmacy and announces
to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms.
The pharmacist, obviously embarrassed, looks at her kind of strangely (she is after all, over 80 years of age) but very delicately asks what brand of condom she prefers.
'Doesn't matter Sonny, as long as it fits on a Camel.'
The pharmacist fainted.
Jane pulls out a condom, cuts off the end, puts it over her cigarette, and continues smoking.
Arlene: What in the hell is that?
Jane: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet.
Arlene: Where did you get it?
Jane: You can get them at any pharmacy.
The next day, Arlene hobbles herself into the local pharmacy and announces
to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms.
The pharmacist, obviously embarrassed, looks at her kind of strangely (she is after all, over 80 years of age) but very delicately asks what brand of condom she prefers.
'Doesn't matter Sonny, as long as it fits on a Camel.'
The pharmacist fainted.
I love you too
A prisoner escapes from his prison where he had been kept for 15 years. As he runs away, he finds a house and breaks into it looking for money and guns but he finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed, ties him up on a chair. While tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her on the neck, then gets up, and goes to the bathroom. While he is in there, the husband tells his wife: "Listen, this guy is an escaped prisoner, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in prison, and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, just do what he tells you, give him satisfaction. This guy must be dangerous, if he gets angry, he will kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you" To which the wife responds, "He was not kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay and found you very sexy, and asked if we kept any Vaseline in the bathroom. Be strong, honey. I love you too..."
A Naughty Poem
The sky was dark
the moon was high
all alone just her and I
Her hair so soft
her eyes so blue
I knew just what she wanted to do
Her skin so soft
her legs so fine
I ran my fingers down her spine
the moon was high
all alone just her and I
Her hair so soft
her eyes so blue
I knew just what she wanted to do
Her skin so soft
her legs so fine
I ran my fingers down her spine
I didn't know how
but I tried my best
to place my hand on her breast
I remember my fear
my fast beating heart
but slowly she spread her legs apart
And when she did
I felt no shame
as all at once the white stuff came
At last it was finished
it's all over now,
my first time.... milking a cow
but I tried my best
to place my hand on her breast
I remember my fear
my fast beating heart
but slowly she spread her legs apart
And when she did
I felt no shame
as all at once the white stuff came
At last it was finished
it's all over now,
my first time.... milking a cow
My First Time with a Condom
I recall my first time with a condom, I was 16 or so. I went in to buy a package of condoms. There was a beautiful woman behind the counter, and she could see that I was new at it. She handed me the package and asked, if I knew how to wear one.
I honestly answered, "No."
So she unwrapped the package, took one out and slipped over her thumb, She cautioned me to make sure it was on tight and secure. I apparently still looked confused. So she looked all around the store. It was empty.
"Just a minute," she said, and walked to the door, and locked it.
Taking my hand, she led me into the back room, unbuttoned her blouse removed it. She unhooked her bra and laid it aside. "Do these excite you?" she asked.
Well, I was so dumb-struck that all I could do was nod my head. She then said, it was time to slip the condom on. As I was slipping it on, she dropped her skirt, removed her panties and laid down on a desk.
"Well, come on", she said, "We don't have much time."
So I climbed on her. It was so wonderful, that unfortunately, I could no longer hold back and POW, I was done within a few minutes. She looked at me with a frown. "Did you put that condom on?"
I said, "I sure did," and held up my thumb to show her.
I honestly answered, "No."
So she unwrapped the package, took one out and slipped over her thumb, She cautioned me to make sure it was on tight and secure. I apparently still looked confused. So she looked all around the store. It was empty.
"Just a minute," she said, and walked to the door, and locked it.
Taking my hand, she led me into the back room, unbuttoned her blouse removed it. She unhooked her bra and laid it aside. "Do these excite you?" she asked.
Well, I was so dumb-struck that all I could do was nod my head. She then said, it was time to slip the condom on. As I was slipping it on, she dropped her skirt, removed her panties and laid down on a desk.
"Well, come on", she said, "We don't have much time."
So I climbed on her. It was so wonderful, that unfortunately, I could no longer hold back and POW, I was done within a few minutes. She looked at me with a frown. "Did you put that condom on?"
I said, "I sure did," and held up my thumb to show her.
Potentially and reality
Youngest Son: Tell me Daddy, what is the difference between "potentially
and reality"?
Dad : I will show you ,Dad turns to his wife and asks her: Would you
sleep with Robert Redford for 1 million dollars? Wife: Yes of course! I
would never waste such an opportunity!
Then Dad asks his daughter, if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for 1
million dollars? Daughter: Wow! Yes! This is my fantasy!
So Dad turns to his elder son and asks him: Would you sleep with Tom
Cruise for 1 million dollars? Elder Son: Yeah! Why not? Imagine what I
could do with 1 million dollars! I would never hesitate!
So the father turns back to his younger son saying: You see son,
"potentially" we are sitting on 3 million dollars, but in "reality" we
are living with 2 prostitutes and 1 gay!
and reality"?
Dad : I will show you ,Dad turns to his wife and asks her: Would you
sleep with Robert Redford for 1 million dollars? Wife: Yes of course! I
would never waste such an opportunity!
Then Dad asks his daughter, if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for 1
million dollars? Daughter: Wow! Yes! This is my fantasy!
So Dad turns to his elder son and asks him: Would you sleep with Tom
Cruise for 1 million dollars? Elder Son: Yeah! Why not? Imagine what I
could do with 1 million dollars! I would never hesitate!
So the father turns back to his younger son saying: You see son,
"potentially" we are sitting on 3 million dollars, but in "reality" we
are living with 2 prostitutes and 1 gay!
Identify boy and gal
Two babies were sitting in their cribs, when one baby shouted to the
other, "Are you a little girl or a little boy?"
"I don't know," replied the other baby giggling.
"What do you mean, you don't know?" said the first baby.
"I mean I don't know how to tell the difference," was the reply.
"Well, I do," said the first baby chuckling, "I'll climb into your
crib and find out."
He carefully maneuvered himself into the other baby's crib, then
quickly disappeared beneath the blankets.
After a couple of minutes, he resurfaced with a big grin on his face.
"You're a little girl, and I'm a little boy," he said proudly.
"You're ever so clever," cooed the baby girl, "but how can you tell ?"
"It's quite easy really," replied the baby boy,
,
,
,
,
,
,
,
,
,
,
,
"You've got pink socks and I've got blue ones."
SHAME ON YOU, WHAT WERE YOU THINKING???
other, "Are you a little girl or a little boy?"
"I don't know," replied the other baby giggling.
"What do you mean, you don't know?" said the first baby.
"I mean I don't know how to tell the difference," was the reply.
"Well, I do," said the first baby chuckling, "I'll climb into your
crib and find out."
He carefully maneuvered himself into the other baby's crib, then
quickly disappeared beneath the blankets.
After a couple of minutes, he resurfaced with a big grin on his face.
"You're a little girl, and I'm a little boy," he said proudly.
"You're ever so clever," cooed the baby girl, "but how can you tell ?"
"It's quite easy really," replied the baby boy,
,
,
,
,
,
,
,
,
,
,
,
"You've got pink socks and I've got blue ones."
SHAME ON YOU, WHAT WERE YOU THINKING???
Some Hot Q&A session
Q: What is the difference between riding a bicycle and a woman?
A: Riding a bicycle you fix your ass & move your legs, riding a woman you fix your legs & move your ass.
Q: What three things are common between the sun and woman's underwear?
A: Both are hot, both look better while going down and both disappear at
night.
Q: Why do men ask for a woman's hand in marriage?
A: Because they are tired of using their own.
Q: What's common between men and video?
A: Both go backward... forward... backward... forward... backward... forward... stop and eject.
Q: What is the closest thing similar to a woman's period?
A: Your salary, it comes once a month lasts about 5-7 days and if it doesn't come means you are in big trouble
Q: What goes in dry, comes out wet, and gives warm satisfaction?
A: A teabag.
Q: Who is a gynecologist?
A: He is the only fool on the earth who looks for problems in a place, where most people find pleasure.
Q: What's the difference between biology and sociology?
A: When the baby looks like his dad, then it is biology. When the baby looks like neighbor, then it is sociology.
Q: What's the height of recycling?
A: Sending a sanitary napkin for dry cleaning.
A: Riding a bicycle you fix your ass & move your legs, riding a woman you fix your legs & move your ass.
Q: What three things are common between the sun and woman's underwear?
A: Both are hot, both look better while going down and both disappear at
night.
Q: Why do men ask for a woman's hand in marriage?
A: Because they are tired of using their own.
Q: What's common between men and video?
A: Both go backward... forward... backward... forward... backward... forward... stop and eject.
Q: What is the closest thing similar to a woman's period?
A: Your salary, it comes once a month lasts about 5-7 days and if it doesn't come means you are in big trouble
Q: What goes in dry, comes out wet, and gives warm satisfaction?
A: A teabag.
Q: Who is a gynecologist?
A: He is the only fool on the earth who looks for problems in a place, where most people find pleasure.
Q: What's the difference between biology and sociology?
A: When the baby looks like his dad, then it is biology. When the baby looks like neighbor, then it is sociology.
Q: What's the height of recycling?
A: Sending a sanitary napkin for dry cleaning.
Twelve pound nugget of gold
A Husband and Wife, Both were very happy over the twelve pound baby boy that was born to them, Mr. Brown who could not conceal his delight, called up the editor of a famous newspaper and reported that he became the proud owner of a twelve pound nugget of gold.
The editor upon hearing the seemingly extraordinary news was rather hesitant to accept it at its face value. So he sent his star reporter to interview Mr. Brown. When the reporter came, Mr. Brown was away and his wife was alone at home.
The following interesting conversation took place between the reporter and Mrs. Brown:
Reporter : Does Mr. Brown Live here?
Mrs. Brown : Oh! Yes.
Reporter : Is he in?
Mrs. Brown : Why no, he went somewhere.
Reporter : Is it true that he owns a twelve pound nugget of gold?
Mrs. Brown : (Seeing the joke) Yes, indeed.
Reporter : Can I see the place where he found it?
Mrs. Brown : I am afraid, not because Mr. Brown objects in as much as it is strictly private.
Reporter : Is the place far?
Mrs. Brown : No, it is quite near and convenient.
Reporter : How many years has Mr. Brown been digging the hole?
Mrs. Brown : Just for about ten months.
Reporter : Is the hole deep?
Mrs. Brown : Quite so...
Reporter : Has Mr. Brown reached the bottom of it?
Mrs. Brown : Not yet, but he is coming near...
Reporter : At about what time does Mr. Brown starts digging?
Mrs. Brown : Oh, he does his digging mostly at night.
Reporter : Does he work hard on it?
Mrs. Brown : You bet... and how he perspires.
Reporter : Is Mr. Brown the first to dig?
Mrs. Brown : He thought he was...
Reporter : How do you know there was someone ahead of him?
Mrs. Brown : I am in a good position to say so, because I own the place.
Reporter : Oh, I see, but you sold the place to Mr. Brown?
Mrs. Brown : No, but for the present, he has the legal title to the site, with my consent.
Reporter : Has Mr. Brown any helper when he works on the claim?
Mrs. Brown : Yes, I work under him...
Reporter : When do you think Mr. Brown will sell the place?
Mrs. Brown : I think not because he enjoys working on it.
Reporter : Can I see the twelve pound nugget of gold?
Mrs. Brown : Yes, certainly (and she showed him the twelve pound baby boy :-)
The Reporter fainted!
The editor upon hearing the seemingly extraordinary news was rather hesitant to accept it at its face value. So he sent his star reporter to interview Mr. Brown. When the reporter came, Mr. Brown was away and his wife was alone at home.
The following interesting conversation took place between the reporter and Mrs. Brown:
Reporter : Does Mr. Brown Live here?
Mrs. Brown : Oh! Yes.
Reporter : Is he in?
Mrs. Brown : Why no, he went somewhere.
Reporter : Is it true that he owns a twelve pound nugget of gold?
Mrs. Brown : (Seeing the joke) Yes, indeed.
Reporter : Can I see the place where he found it?
Mrs. Brown : I am afraid, not because Mr. Brown objects in as much as it is strictly private.
Reporter : Is the place far?
Mrs. Brown : No, it is quite near and convenient.
Reporter : How many years has Mr. Brown been digging the hole?
Mrs. Brown : Just for about ten months.
Reporter : Is the hole deep?
Mrs. Brown : Quite so...
Reporter : Has Mr. Brown reached the bottom of it?
Mrs. Brown : Not yet, but he is coming near...
Reporter : At about what time does Mr. Brown starts digging?
Mrs. Brown : Oh, he does his digging mostly at night.
Reporter : Does he work hard on it?
Mrs. Brown : You bet... and how he perspires.
Reporter : Is Mr. Brown the first to dig?
Mrs. Brown : He thought he was...
Reporter : How do you know there was someone ahead of him?
Mrs. Brown : I am in a good position to say so, because I own the place.
Reporter : Oh, I see, but you sold the place to Mr. Brown?
Mrs. Brown : No, but for the present, he has the legal title to the site, with my consent.
Reporter : Has Mr. Brown any helper when he works on the claim?
Mrs. Brown : Yes, I work under him...
Reporter : When do you think Mr. Brown will sell the place?
Mrs. Brown : I think not because he enjoys working on it.
Reporter : Can I see the twelve pound nugget of gold?
Mrs. Brown : Yes, certainly (and she showed him the twelve pound baby boy :-)
The Reporter fainted!
3 Questions
Three nuns die and are met at the pearly gates of heaven by St. Peter. "Before you enter, you must answer a skilled question." said St.Peter.
The nuns agree and St. Peter begins by asking the first nun, "Who was the first man on earth?"
"Oh , thats an easy one, that was Adam!" said the nun. With her answer the gates opened, the lights came on and the nun walked up the stairs.
St.Peter asked the second nun, "Who was the first women on earth?"
"Oh, that's an easy one, that was Eve!" said the second nun. With her answer the gates opened, the lights came on, and the nun walked up the stairs.
St.Peter asked the third and final nun, "What was the first thing Eve said to Adam?"
The nun thought about the question for a long time, finally she shakes her head and replies, "That's a hard one".
And the gates opened, the lights came on...
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)
Ese Hi Ek Din Unka Ek Naya Bhakt Aya Aur Unke Charan Saparsh Karke Bola
Bhakt: “Baba Ji, Aap Mahan Hai, Aapne Bade Logo Ko Gyan Diya Hai, Mere Bhi Ek Question Ka Hal Dijiye Na”
Baba Muskurake Bole: “Jarur Denge Bachha, Bolo Kya Hai Tumhari Duvidha?”
Bhakt: “Baba Ji, Ye Kalpana Aur Haqeeqat Mein Kya Farak Hai?”
Baba Ji Ne Kuch Socha Aur Bole: “Bachha, Hum Answer To De Denge Par Iske Liye Tumhe 2 Kam Karne Honge.”
Bhakt: “Baba Ji Kya?”
Baba Ji: “Pahle Apne Ghar Ja Aur Apni Biwi Se Puch Ki Agar Tujhe Amitabh Bhachan 50 Lakh Rs De To Kya Tu Uske Sath Sirf Ek Raat So Legi?”
Bhakt Ne Socha Ye Kya Question Hai Is Se Kaisi Pata Lagega Ki Kalpana Aur Haqeeqat Mein Kya Farak Hai, Par Fir Bhi Ghar Gaya Aur Puch Ke Aya
Baba Ne Pucha: “Kya Jawab Mila?”
Bhakt: “Ji, Usne Khush Hoke Bola Ki Wow 50 Lakh Rs Ek Rat Ke Mil Jayenge, Vo Bhi Amitabh Bhachan Jaise Celebrity Ke Sath Sone Ka, Tum To Sari Zindagi Din Rat Naukri Karo Tab Bhi Itna Nahi Kama Sakte, Main Ek Rat Amitabh Ke Sath Sone Ko Tyar Hun”
Baba Ji: “Hmm, Ja Ab Apni Beti Se Puch Ke Aa Ki, Agar Usko 50 Lakh Rs Mile Aur Ek Rat Shahrukh Khan Ke Sath Sone Ka Moka Mile To So Legi”
Bhakt Pareshan Hua Ki Ye Sab Kya Chakkar Hai Fir Bhi Baba Ke Sath Bahas To Kar Nahi Sakta Thha, Ghar Pahuncha Aur Beti Se Bhi Puch Ke Aa Gaya Aur Baba Ko Bola
Bhakt: “Baba Ji, Vo To Apne Bed Se Uchhal Gayi Aur Boli, Kyu Nahi Dad Shahrukh Ke Sath Sone Ka 50 Lakh Milega To, Main Ameer Aur Apne Friend Mein Famous Ho Jaungi”
Bhakt Ne Pareshan Ho Ke Pucha: “Baba In Sab Baato Ka Mere Sawal Se Kya Lena Dena Hai”
Baba Ji: “Samajh Bachha, Kalpana Mein Tere Ghar 1 Carore Rs Pada Hai, Aur Haqeeqat Mein Tu 2 Randiyo Ke Sath Rah Raha Hai“