What is the price of this lovely vehicle?

A lady walks into a Lexus dealership. She browses around, then spots the perfect car and walks over to inspect it. As she bends to feel the fine leather upholstery, a loud fart escapes her.
Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed her little accident and hopes a sales person doesn`t pop up right now.
As she turns back, there standing next to her, is a salesman.
"Good day, Madame. How may we help you today?"
Very uncomfortably she asks, "Sir, what is the price of this lovely vehicle?"
He answers, "Madame, if you farted just by touching it, you will definitely CRAP your pants when you hear the price."

Three Ladies In A Sauna

THREE WOMEN, TWO YOUNGER, AND ONE SENIOR CITIZEN, WERE SITTING NAKED IN A SAUNA.

SUDDENLY THERE WAS A BEEPING SOUND. THE YOUNG WOMAN PRESSED HER FOREARM AND THE BEEP STOPPED. THE OTHERS LOOKED AT HER QUESTIONINGLY. 'THAT WAS MY PAGER,' SHE SAID. I HAVE A MICROCHIP UNDER THE SKIN OF MY ARM.


A FEW MINUTES LATER, A PHONE RANG. THE SECOND YOUNG WOMAN LIFTED HER PALM TO HER EAR. WHEN SHE FINISHED, SHE EXPLAINED, 'THAT WAS MY MOBILE PHONE. I HAVE A MICROCHIP IN MY HAND.'


THE OLDER WOMAN FELT VERY LOW -TECH. NOT TO BE OUT DONE, SHE DECIDED SHE HAD TO DO SOMETHING JUST AS IMPRESSIVE. SHE STEPPED OUT OF THE SAUNA AND WENT TO THE BATHROOM. SHE RETURNED WITH A PIECE OF TOILET PAPER HANGING FROM HER REAR END.


THE OTHERS RAISED THEIR EYEBROWS AND STARED AT HER.


THE OLDER WOMAN FINALLY SAID....WELL, WILL YOU LOOK AT THAT.....I'M GETTING A FAX!!

Free hold land for sale!

A hot young girl is very anxious to offer a small lovely "TRIANGULAR" plot of land for sale centrally situated on the slopes at the level area in "THIALAND" but unobserved by any one till this day.

For the last 20 years plot was tenderly cared and looked after. This plot is "VIRGIN" and extremely fertile and can bear fruits even on the first planting. For the last 4 years the plot is covered with very fine grass which is very better and tender. No chemical are yet used for removing the grass which has covered the whole area deticably.

There is also a small "BOREWELL" hidden in the shrubs and no test is so far carried, but to as certain to the portability of water. Offers are immediately invited from prospective buyers with full and energetic capital who can put immediately.

The buyers should be strong enough to labor hard on the plot and plough in very hard with his "OWN TOOL". Although initially, it will be very hard and difficulty, but once the capital is put in he will not repute and will be delighted to have ventures in into site.

It is guaranteed that there will be fully full co-operation from the owner if the buyer is ready to put straight his capital immediately.

No partnership please. No subletting, neighbors are awaiting for the an opportunity to trespass the plot. So hurry up to be the first to enter into the site!

Camel brand Smoker

Jane and Arlene are outside their nursing home, having a drink and a smoke, when it starts to rain.

Jane pulls out a condom, cuts off the end, puts it over her cigarette, and continues smoking.

Arlene: What in the hell is that?

Jane: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet.

Arlene: Where did you get it?

Jane: You can get them at any pharmacy.

The next day, Arlene hobbles herself into the local pharmacy and announces
to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms.

The pharmacist, obviously embarrassed, looks at her kind of strangely (she is after all, over 80 years of age) but very delicately asks what brand of condom she prefers.

'Doesn't matter Sonny, as long as it fits on a Camel.'

The pharmacist fainted.

3 Questions

Three nuns die and are met at the pearly gates of heaven by St. Peter. "Before you enter, you must answer a skilled question." said St.Peter.

The nuns agree and St. Peter begins by asking the first nun, "Who was the first man on earth?"

"Oh , thats an easy one, that was Adam!" said the nun. With her answer the gates opened, the lights came on and the nun walked up the stairs.

St.Peter asked the second nun, "Who was the first women on earth?"

"Oh, that's an easy one, that was Eve!" said the second nun. With her answer the gates opened, the lights came on, and the nun walked up the stairs.

St.Peter asked the third and final nun, "What was the first thing Eve said to Adam?"

The nun thought about the question for a long time, finally she shakes her head and replies, "That's a hard one".

And the gates opened, the lights came on...